Hole In The Donut

I’ve learned the hard way never to keep all my money in one place when traveling, not even when I have access to an in-room safe. On more than one occasion, my room safe has failed. In each instance, I was amazed how easily hotel staff could access a master key and how simply the safe was opened. So I spread the money around a little. Some stays in my wallet. Some goes in the safe, if one is available. But the rest gets stashed in strange and unusual places, like the following:

• Stash some in snack-size, zip-lock baggies and sink it to the bottom of the toilet tank
• Pull up a small corner of the carpet in the rear corner of the closet and slide some bills under it
• Carry a small screwdriver in your luggage; when you arrive, unscrew the back of the TV and the bottom of the telephone and put some bills inside
• If there is a shower curtain in the room, take down the shower rod and hide some cash inside the hollow tube
• If there’s an upholstered chair in the room, remove the zippered cushion cover, make a slit in the foam rubber cushion and shove some money inside
• Snip a few stitches on the hem of the drapes and slide some bills in the fabric pocket
• I always carry a miniature roll of duct tape when I travel, so if all else fails I can place some bills in a baggie and tape it to the underside of a dresser drawer

But the most creative idea I’ve come across may be the “Brief Safe,” which is a pair of men’s briefs that have a secret pocket where you can stash bills, documents, and other small valuables. To ensure that no one picks them up, the underwear has a telltale brown streak down the center. Just throw them on the top of a pile of dirty clothes in the corner of your room - no self respecting thief is going to touch them. A bargain at $11. And if you want additional assurance that the thieves will be foiled, for $9 you can add a realistic smell to the briefs with Doo Drops, a small vial of liquid that smells like real diarrhea. What will they think of next?

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