I thought I would forever regret not having asked his name, until I rolled into the same McDonalds a week later. There he was, just like before, food spread across the table and belongings spilling from an overflowing backpack. He wore the same oversized Carpenter’s jeans, faded brown T-shirt, and velveteen hoodie with the nap worn down to nothing. When he glanced up I was again I was struck by the twinkling eyes, ruddy cheeks, and grizzled beard that put me in mind of Santa Claus.

“Hello again,” I said. His momentary blank expression turned to a wide smile.

“Well hello, darlin’! You’re back again. Didn’t recognize you at first.”

“I don’t think I introduced myself last time. My name is Barbara,”

“Rudy,” he replied, enfolding my soft, manicured hand in his rough calloused paw.

He extricated himself from his pile of belongings and joined me.

We had chatted briefly the previous week about being on the street but now I asked the question that haunts me, where the homeless are concerned. Why?

“Because I travel.” He looked down at the table for a moment, lost in thought.  “Folks don’t realize that homeless are same as anyone else. Most of us have had jobs, apartments, been married and had kids – at one time. But I really don’t want to give my money to some landlord. So I sleep in cuts and under bridges. It’s cold sometimes, but I’m from Colorado so it’s not too bad. I wake up shivering, but as soon as sun comes up I’m OK. I’m tough.”

“Do you worry about being mugged?” I asked, recalling recent incidents where homeless were beaten and Read the rest of this entry »

It was my anniversary yesterday. On January 24, 1996 I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and that was the last time I ever had a drink or used drugs.

The day was a little surreal for me. In some ways it felt like I just got clean and sober yesterday; in other ways it felt like it happened a hundred years ago. I was living in Puerto Rico at the time, managing a bar (great place for a drunk to work!). I was partying every night and sleeping less and less. One night, after hours of drinking and lots of coke, my heart began beating so hard I thought it was going to come right out of my chest. I broke out in a cold sweat and got up to splash some water on my face. When I glanced up into the mirror, I was shocked by my appearance. My face was pasty gray, my skin hung, and my eyes were dull and glazed over. In that instant, I knew I was going to die soon if I didn’t stop.

Flash forward 13 years. My cheeks are pink and my eyes sparkle. I am healthy and happy. My life is wonderful. I know how this happened – lots of hard work and sticking to the principles of AA – but I don’t know why. I often wonder, “Why me?” Read the rest of this entry »